Saturday, February 11, 2023

Unraveling ourselves

Once my buttoned up and grossly disfigured representation of their version of "normalcy" fell, I could no longer force all of me back into that fake shell. My energy depleted from decades of being told how "fake" I am, while they punch me down into a box that isn't Amanda-shaped. 
Now, I float free, trying to collect the scattered pieces of myself, after the explosion of freedom from their bindings. I have time to examine each piece of myself that never fit their "norms," whilst continually embracing the fact that I am absolutely ok with being different from everyone else in society. 
I bucked against the norms most of my childhood, submitted to them (and worse) in my 20's, and found healing in my brokenness throughout my 30's. 
As I pass my 43rd cycle around that big ball of fire in the sky, I have reached a calm that only comes from healing deeply traumatic stuff. I have a therapist who reminds me how awesome I am, and that it's okay to pat my own back & be proud of myself. 

After decades of wondering, "when will I be able to start My Life?," I can finally take a step out into void that escaped me. I can be my actual & real self, the one that is misunderstood by most of the humans I meet, the one who lights up when something of interest intrigues me. 


Go find your real you, and embrace yourself with all the patience & kindness you were never afforded, because you Are Worth That, and so much more!