Monday, November 25, 2019

Faded, Butt Fabulous!

Faded, butt Fabulous Dragonflies

I'm safe. I'm happy. 
Across many miles, and hardships, I see your beautiful light!
You're fighting so damned hard to stay #Perfect; for everyone else, while being glorified, for falling damned beautifully! Don't let them clip your wings! 

It shouldn't take someone so "disgusting" as me, to point out that a trauma SURVIVOR should be screaming like an idiot, running around town; with their hair on fire, looking desperately for the help...they've truly needed! 
Jesus fucking hello, people! 

See what switching your addiction, to reflection, could do for you! Introspection is a muthafucker, for reasons, because goats πŸ¦™ #BluntSpeak 

Did they value my words, truly, before they dragged me; kicking and screaming, into "helping for friendships sake," when everyone knows that my Jeep isn't running? 
I don't get paid at all for this bullshit! 
I'm the one looking for a way to get to the damned therapist, that I've been fighting so fucking hard and long to get; now that I've 'fucked shit up appropriately,' in my "dirty cock" way. 

And now, these "friends are worried?" 🀦🏻‍♀️πŸ’†πŸ»‍♀️πŸ’¨πŸ’¨πŸ’¨

What. πŸ‘The. πŸ‘Actual. πŸ‘Fuck.

They asked me to bear Free Witness, and ridicule me in the name of fucking ego and persona, and think they're truly just fine? Who the fuck keeps telling them these things? It's not fucking true, assholes! They're  the fucking drama-queens! And they're  doing it publicly, and then blaming me when they pop back in to beg for fucking help, when I can't even get out of my fucking bed some days? Who the fuck do these people think they are? 

Advocates, my asshole friends! 
Starfish muthafuckers, that's it! Look at them like a #Patrick, snd it gets easier to laugh; rather than absorb their hate, and wear the shame of their words, And their actions. Wear your #love well and #Safely! 

Switch your addiction, to truly loving yourself, and be there for the people who truly do matter! 
They're broken for reasons beyond their control, and you are truly fucking not helping. 
Quit asking me to champion for people, on my #whitehorse, and Yes I fucking went there!!! Color matters here, and you don't need to know why! There are many colors in this fabulously fucked up rainbow fart sparkle party, jerkface. 
I see you, because you asked me to #witness #Freely, butt who are you to me, #FriendOfMyFriend? 

People calling owners of industry growers to say I hurt their feelings on the fucking internet. 
And you call me Crazy? Are you fucking serious, people? You're LIVE AND PAID
They are asking me to pay money, and show up, just to be blamed and ridiculed. 
butt #iAm fucking FineAF over here
In #ManicMandaLand πŸ’šπŸ€“πŸπŸ§š‍♂️
#MarylandCannabis #TheAdorkableAdvocate #MyFriend #Industry MedicalCannabis #LookAtMe #Money #Greed Hate Lies #PaidAdvocates 
Do you hear me now, muthafuckers? 🀨
Do you?! 🀨🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐

#DontSayJump #SuicidePrevention #SuicideAwareness #MismanagedManiaMyAssMuthafucker! 🀣🀣

AND #YouHaveATherapist #CommUNITY
Major #ChronicWarriors have felt that hardcore, in the harshest ways, so often; whether anyone would like to admit it, or not! #EqualButtDifferent 

Who's truly there for them? Are you, #MyFriend 🀫🀫🀫🀫

I've not met some in person yet, and feel their hurt. Use your words, with Empaths people. It does hurt

My Clarinet, sadly is gone

My Clarinet: 

My daddy bought me my used clarinet. I wasn't worth a shiny new one from my loving family, bc this was an extracurricular activity with freedom and responsibility. Failed band one term for missing a concert due to pneumonia though. Mom made sure she took me just in time for me to be able to stay hole, and not wreck anyone's good time, by dragging me to a school function for a holiday concert. 
My mom's oldest daughter borrowed that same clarinet, for my nephew when he was in elementary/middle school so he could learn an instrument. 
then she sold the fucker behind my back, and told me she knew I needed money to pay my car insurance. 🀯🀬
Few years later, Damn same sister begged me to move in to "save me from a bad situation," then tried to raise rent on a rampage; and when she wouldn't let me have my stuff to move, threw it all on the front lawn (mostly broken) before I got there with the Sheriff's to just get my belongings. 
This 'moving out of my sister's house' happened the day before my 21st birthday.
So when my family says "They Wish They Could," it kinda means something different here, guys! 
This is an adult woman in her fucking 50's! 
But she's #JustFine 

Saturday, November 16, 2019

Hormone Monster: Tales of teen bloodlust

#HormoneMonster: tales of teenage sibling hate during PMS 

I'm home alone, for the first time in forever, and there are actually still some potato chips in the bag! I never get to just enjoy chips, or any snack. Because I'm the family's trash compactor, of all foods that my siblings will not eat. 

I'm enjoying the salt, and crunch; and in walks my sister, already eyeing up the chips, and making her move to take the bag away. 

I immediately go to the defensive, saying, "no," and push her away. "This is MY fucking bag of chips, bitch!" 

I had worked too hard to keep calm through food wars with siblings over the years, for a fucking chip battle today. I thought, 'are these chips worth this fight that I'm about to have?,' and decided that yes, indeed, they are worth every second of the upcoming fight. I'd been fighting cravings and emotions, and crazy fights kept popping up, because my sisters loved to talk smack. So yes, she deserved a taste of the pain I get, while defending her mouth with my face. 

She thinks she's funny, and tries again. Ot doesn't help her cause, at all. I know her moves. I grew up studying my sisters, because they would gang up on me, when they were chubby and I didn't yet have strong enough muscles to fight them both off of me, alone; and without getting caught hurting them. No matter that they were the ones who came after me. 


I grab her by her hair, and ram her face into my kneecap, and as she screams loudly, her boyfriend walks in. I slam her head once more, pushing her into the barstools and bar. I'm no stranger to fights and have fought dudes, but I know her boyfriend wouldn't hit me. And I acknowledge it to myself, that Im trusting a man to choose NOT to strike me, and trusting his morals and ethics. So when he tried to help my sister, I mistake his move, but dont want to hurt him. I literally reach into my underwear, yank out my bloody pad, and put it on his shirt, using the half-useless adhesive that's barely holding anything together. It was beautiful! And glorious! And I was filled with disgusting pride at my successful tout of PMS-rage that I'd absolutely be hearing about for decades to come! Yay! *little celebration*

And they're instantly disgusted, and shocked! Enough time for me to grab the bag of chips, smack my sister, and run to my room with the bag of fucking chips. 

But I got MY fucking chips. 

Quit making your children compete against one another. And quit shaming the ones you force into servitude, to do your bidding for acceptance or attention. It's disgusting, and pathetic. 

And I'm being honest about my shadiest of shady shit here. You think anyone not mentally #afflicted would feel compelled to admit all they've had to do in order to survive. Shaming a victim is horrible, defending the abuser is worse. Let them eat their own mistakes and pain, as you've wandered, aimed incorrectly, at a constantly moving target of someone else's desires. Something you only know you want, because  it will bring someone else happiness. 

In conclusion, dont fuck with my chips, as I'm obviously touchy about food. Shame me if you feel the need. I will always feel the need to point out your lack of compassion, for most people. 

Because most people will only help those they know and associate with on a daily basis. They cannot look far enough outside their circle, to even try and make a single connection, or help someone they know in their hearts to be worthy and deserving.