Wanting to simply be there to help others, is suspicious; at best.
Count the times I’ve Not been there, with good excuses; and balance against the times I was there, despite the worst.
I’ve given of myself with promises of repayment of one thing or another. I’ve learned to never give anything that I wasn’t willing to live without.
No matter how close the friend; they can hurt you. Simply by the shame of not being able to fulfill said promise; that was never asked for.
They shouldn’t need my permission to help me. But they feel inadequate to help; because they know they’ve let me down recently, in one way or another.
I’m Not the person that weighs those things minutely. The small things add up. If you can consistently show up, with voluntarily ‘debt’ to someone, that they didn’t request; please Do NOT hurt them more by being embarrassed over a spur of the moment promise (if you still do intend to keep it).
If you plan to keep not repaying that ‘debt’ to a friend, whether it’s $10 or a replacement hoodie; if you cared at all, still be there. They were there for you when you needed it.
Shame shouldn’t stop the healing process so badly. We’re meant to be social creatures; and learn from each other, to the atom.
It’s much easier to make assumptions, when we’re not willing to understand or accept someone else’s reality.
It’s also easier to make excuses, when we don’t allow ourselves; the chance to learn to see, the differences in another’s past.
It’s one thing to have shallow feelings, like jealousy, over an ex, but what about; fear to protect pain from that person, dealing with people seeing their behavior & allowing exposure to its toxicity,