Where’s the party, in this hellscape?
You are your own person. You set your own limits and allow people to trample them.
I’m proof positive of backfired good intention, and loyalty.
All my life, I’ve been conditioned to help others, and take their feelings into account, before mine. Every. Single. Time.
No matter the situation, or reasoning; good, bad, hostile, peaceful, physical, mental, and/or emotional.
And to be Grateful to do it for them, with zero thanks, obviously.
My childhood was a mix of torture, and pure wonder.
I’m glad I have #enough good memories, to be #enough of an optimist for myself, if not for anyone else.
I read an article recently, about adults, after childhood trauma. Here is the link, if you’d like to read.
I find it very interesting that so many people read these articles, and yet never apply the knowledge. They simply aren’t expected to, without instruction on ‘how to help someone,’ or a #howto #dummyguide of some sort. It’s unbelievably frustrating. Why else do they read these articles, it makes me wonder?
At 26 years old, I had a roommate who was inappropriately jealous every time I would go hang out with my boyfriend, or friends, and didn’t include her, or just stay home with her. It was exhausting, and I had tried everything to include her, and to make new friends for her also. She took joy in ruining friendships with people I knew. She would wreck friendships on purpose, and leave me hanging, while expecting me to comfort her. This was a woman that my sister invited to move in with me, without discussing it with me, before my mother even moved out of my apartment.
So, I know clingy, and crazy, very well. I know what overreacting truly looks like.
It’s tiring to be someone’s ‘equal & one and only,’ at will, conditionally. Especially when they set the rules, and make excuses for their breaking said rules.
And then be shamed, for pointing out the inequality, double standards, hypocrisy, and any difference...ever.
You become a person that you no longer recognize. You become the echo of every emotion, every person, every struggle, you’ve ever encountered; thus bringing on a lot of potential pain, harm, tears, irrationality, outbursts, spin-outs, and mumbled nonsense. It’s sad, and it’s real, in more than just one way.
How do we avoid getting to this point, in any relationship?
Respond in awe & wonder of the event, and proceed from there, and try to process the feelings, as they come.
Start to realize which actions come first, which words, and which voice tone. Consider to whom you’re speaking, or making contact. Truly gauge your crowd, and see your actual role, in that group.
What special skill makes you best choice, for a desired task? Offer any services in that area, and don’t overextend yourself, if you truly want to be included.
If you cannot be of immediate assistance, but want to assist, kindly ask someone if they need help, with their task, so it can be accomplished more quickly. Do your best to work with someone with which you have something in common, or move to another group, to volunteer.
If you have zero to offer, but negativity; such as thought, vibes, words, unsupportive behavior, belligerent verbiage, hostile actions, or unkind contact...walk away, before you get yourself into a position you’ll play victim, to escape.
What were you doing here, anyway? What was your intention?
For someone who is used to managing people, and situations; I am always considering who can be helped most, by whom. Knowing emotions, as people, has helped me tremendously.
Having my ‘friends’ tell me that I should cut my losses, is unacceptable, to say the least.
It means that they aren’t true friends. They’re friends of a certain group, outside this current situation. Maybe right now they can’t remove their blinders, enough to see the whole picture, from any other viewpoint.
It’s hard to say, but inexcusable for them to say, “it’s because I care,” or “why are you helping This person?” Would they Not approve of me doing the same exact thing for them, as I have before? Have they Not already asked me to help This person, in the past, already?
No matter what the situation, or who the person; set your limitations, and see where they go! They’ll show themselves.
Try and show wonder, instead of stirring mischief. It’s not easy! I wind myself up easily, and will ramble until I wear myself out.
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