Phoneetics are Fun

A friend was going through bins of her children’s papers and memories and shared one with me this morning. 

Her three children are all now adults, and two are married already. All of her kids have fantastic senses of humor. She sent me this snapshot of a note she found. Apparently, she wasin the Phoenetics portion of learning, and was sounding out ‘boring,’ and wrote ‘bore-ring’ which actually sounds and looks correct for a small child. The end of this letter, however, had me cackling like a fucking idiot for almost half an hour straight. Here you go...

Now, I give her TWO THUMBS UP for the sounding out of her words, and I give her a snap, clap, and Bazinga!, for how she wanted her mom to respond to her frustration over her brother. If I had a daughter, and she wrote me this note at that age; I’d take her out for ice cream. How do you respond to this!? 

I remember sitting in First grade with my teacher during some 1-on-1 time about sounds of vowels. Like how the word ‘Read’ when used in past tense, “I read a book,” would be pronounced ‘red.’ 

At that age, I remember being able to tell my teacher I knew the vowels made sounds because of how the word sounds when it isn’t present, and how that changes the meaning of the word, and it’s presence in the sentence or phrase. It made perfect sense to my 1st grade brain that the way something is spelled affects its meaning also, and could affect whether it’s still the noun/verb/adjective it was supposed to be. 

And the more I think about things like that, the more I smile now instead of frown. I’m trying to be done with the negatives. I’m tired of saying that my mom should have allowed me the gifted & talented program I was offered many times as a child. I was offered many opportunities in life to be amazing, and my mother held me back. I’m 39 now, and she’s no longer alive. Why am I still blaming her for so much? Yes, she could have been more Present in My Life, but she was too busy Hiding in Her Life, from many things I’m sure I’ll never know. 

Hiding pain isn’t exactly easy in our family. in my family. People attack your weakest points when you least expect them to, and right when you are least able to handle it. That’s how they operate. 

I do not. I only ever do that when I’m: 

1. backed into a corner

2. Extremely unstable and cannot have what I truly need (mental health care usually) at that moment 

3. Times of extreme pressure, when I’m about to crack, and I don’t know it’s coming. 

I don’t even know all the list of adjectives I’d use to describe certain family members. They all have flaws; me the most, I believe. 

As a child, I was consistently called an ‘instigator’ by my family, simply because I would point out their improper use of words like that, to try and be helpful. 

It’s an unfortunate side effect of untreated mental illnesses. I can take partial blame for it. But I’m in much better control than most people would be, without therapy or proper psychological pharmaceuticals. I’m blessed to have my Medical Cannabis though. 

Having my eyes opened (my brain allowing me to ‘see around everything’), makes a huge difference. And if I can harness/control the rage/mania, and settle my reactions to life more; I’ll happily stay unmedicated so I can use my brain and my illnesses to my community’s advantage. If I can figure things out using my unique brain chemistry and skill set, I could absolutely do almost anything. Controlling it, is what’s hard. 

You don’t know what to expect from pharmaceuticals. Everyone is so very unique in body type, health history, environmental impact from upbringing, etc. why think that one medication works the same for everyone?